The Doxology -- Week #2

If you know me very well, you know I do not give God the necessary praise, glory, and honor with my words when he blesses me. I tend to focus on how the blessing is really not a blessing at all or on how I was the one who obtained the blessing. Just as Ray Lamontagne says in his song Empty, "I never learned to count my blessings / I choose instead to dwell in my disasters."

Part of this stems, I believe, from the way that God created me. For some reason, he gave me a melancholy, reflective, introspective spirit. As with all things, this nature of mine blesses and curses. For the most part, though, I seem to reflect the negative aspects of the melancholy much more than the positive.

But as I think about my time here in Clarkston, I think of the Doxology:

Praise God, from whom all blessings flow,
Praise Him, all creatures here below,
Praise Him, above ye heavenly host,
Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost,
Amen.

God is doing amazing things through Friends of Refugees. I know, I know, that sounds very cliche and vague, but I struggle to describe it any other way.

I came into the summer worried about the academic portion of camp. I had it in my mind that the kids would not want to read, write, and do math because I know if I was in their shoes, I wouldn't. I assumed I would encounter kids who lacked any semblance of intellectual ability. You know what they say about those who assume...

God continues to open my eyes to the talents of these Refugee children. This week, we took the middle school campers to Stone Mountain thanks to a friend's suggestion. At the time, my heart was heavy (might write about that soon) and I really did not want to take them to the church to work on academics or play games with them.

I took with me some paper, water colors and pastels, and books up to the top of the mountain. I really felt like the kids would ignore the tools beacuse of the many distractions at the summit. But instead, they spent a good hour either painting, reading, or enjoying the beautiful lake view. They not only conquered the hike (a few dramatic ones thought they were going to die), but they also rested and reflected upon the glories of Nature.

Oh, how I wanted to share with them Romans 1! Oh, how I wanted to share with them that in their love of creating, via the form of art, how they bear God's image in doing so! But God is good and their hearts and lives are in his hands.

I pray (will you pray with me?) that the volunteer groups who continue to help us keep accentuating the talents of our kids. There is one Thai camper, Yodcha, who played the cool card the first week of camp when academics time rolled around. Now, he rushes through his reading and writing activities and grabs a pencil and paper in order to draw. And you know what, the pictures are incredible. Why does he do that? Because lovers of Christ pour love upon his talents. He might never recieve this kind of affirmation, if any at all.

Praise God from whom all blessings flow,...
Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost.

Emotions and God's Will

For some reason, I always rush to conclusions and interpretations about God’s work within me. I glean recently planted fields even though they still need to bear its fruit! With that, take my posts with a grain salt because I know his work is incomplete and far from finished.

As I think about my time here in Clarkston, the word “trust” keeps appearing in the forefront of my consciousness. Its manifestation is not based on a single blanket understanding of the word but instead, different streams of it materialize and flow forth. Right now, I’m only going to focus on one of the streams…

I am an emotional person. A lot of times, I allow my feelings to take me in one direction when my reason might tug in the opposite direction. This stems from my extremist personality where I take an extreme point of view contrary to my previous extreme point of view because of the scars the former leaves. Internally (sometimes reflected externally, as well), my heart wallows in perpetual emotional turmoil as I wrestle to find some type of validation for my new extremist ideal. Because of this, I allow my feelings to dictate my understanding of God’s will for my life, instead of Scripture’s truths. I end up trusting in my own interpretation of some whimsical feeling within me without knowing if the feeling originated in truth.

Since I have been in Georgia, it seems like God has removed this paralyzing emotional aspect from my life…and I’m not sure I like it. I want to feel a penetrating pain deep within my soul for the hurting in Clarkston. I want to experience a love for those I work with and those I serve. I long to be an existential Christian like I have always been! But from what very little I have gleaned from this young harvest, God has shut the door on that.

Why would he do that? Doesn’t God want me to feel and to experience and to long? Of course! but not when those graces take the place of the Father himself. God seems to be challenging me to trust in the truth of his glorious nature. If I my emotions control me here in Clarkston, I will extend love only to those who conjure up some positive emotional feeling within me (And trust me, some of these kids will not always bring out the warm and fuzzies). By stripping away my emotionality, I must apply my knowledge of love (love is not a feeling, but a choice/act of the will) to all that I meet.

When Satan tempts Jesus in the desert in Matthew 4, Satan tries to bend Jesus’ will toward his own:

“After he fasted forty days and forty nights he was famished. The tempter came and said to him, ‘If you are the Son of God, command these stones to become bread’…Then the devil took him to the holy city, had him stand on the highest point of the temple, and said to him, ‘If you are the Son of God, throw yourself down’…Again, the devil took him to a very high mountain, and showed him all the kingdoms of the world and their grandeur. And he said to him, ‘I will give you all these things if you throw yourself to the ground and worship me.’”

In each instance, Satan attacks areas in which man’s feelings could cause him to stray – specifically hunger, leadership, and power. Because Jesus was grounded in truth, you know, since he is truth and all, he combated Satan’s emotional attacks with Scripture. Jesus, being fully human, suppressed his natural inclinations to satisfy those desires and turned to the Word.

Jesus represents the perfect example of applying the truth he knows and actualizing it. Instead of relying on inner feelings to dictate his actions, he relies on the only truth we know for sure to be true, Scripture.

Even though my feelings seem to be dormant in this season of life, Scripture is there to replace them. This substitution is exponentially greater -- I just need to trust God that it is. Actually, I must trust this because it is all I truly can trust. If I don’t, I end up only trusting my own interpretations of my feelings and up until this point, those interpretations can be pretty jacked up.

(Ironically, and maybe tragically depending on how you look at it, by analyzing the lack emotions in my life, I therefore am doing exactly what I do when emotions control my decision making. God, I pray you give me the desire to seek your truth in prayer and Scripture. Help me find truth in you and you alone, whether I am emotional or not. Thank you for continuing to love me and use me!)

First Week of Camp

So, the first week of camp has come and gone. Last year during my two week stay in Clarkston, the 3^rd and 4^th graders I worked with almost gave me an aneurism. But so far, the kids have been angels compared to what I witnessed last year. For the most part, they have been respectful to the leaders and to each other. It has been incredible. The only incident I know of involves one boy who has already been in two fights. He received a 2 day suspension from camp. We hope and pray that the suspension helps him realize his potential to do what is good and right.

Also, the academic portion of camp that I lead for the middle school has gone off with almost no hitches. The majority of the campers seem engaged and interested in their work. I’m sure it won’t be this easy from here on out, but it was nice to have the first week run smoothly on so many different levels.

Thank you all for your prayers and support. Hopefully I will be able to obtain some camp pictures from friends and share them with you.

-Justin

Converts vs. Disciples

During orientation week, Scott Kelley, the Director of Friends of Refugees, stated the organizations mission as this: "To make disciples, not converts."

Jesus, in Matthew 28, gives his followers the same mission, to "Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And remember, I am with you always, to the end of the age.”

The Evangelical mission clings to these words of Jesus. But the Great Commission is often read and interpreted, interestingly enough, this way: "Therefore go and make converts of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit..."

Has the church been misinterpreting the Great Commission? Is there a fundamental difference between a "convert" and a "disciple" or is it just a semantics issue?

In my short life, two authors have shaped and molded me as a Christian: C.S. Lewis and Dietrich Bonhoeffer. Bonhoeffer addresses this question in his book "The Cost of Discipleship", a book every Christian needs to read this book at some point in his/her life.

In the book, Bonhoeffer makes a distinction between two ideas of grace that manifests itself in the heart of the church: cheap grace and costly grace. Here is what Bonhoeffer says about each:

"Cheap grace means the justification of sin without the justification of the sinner...Cheap grace is not the kind of forgiveness of sin which frees us from the toils of sin. Cheap grace is the grace we bestow on ourselves...Cheap grace is the grace without discipleship, grace without the cross, grace without Jesus Christ, living and incarnate...for cheap grace [is] the bitterest foe of discipleship, which true discipleship must loathe and detest."

"Costly grace is the treasure hidden in the field; for the sake of it a man will gladly go and sell all that he has. It is the pearl of great price to buy which the merchant will sell all his goods. It is the kingly rule of Christ, for whose sake a man will pluck out the eye which causes him to stumble; it is the call of Jesus Christ at which the disciple leaves his nets and follows him...It is costly because it costs a man his life, and it is grace because it gives a man the only true life."

Bonhoeffer goes on further to state that the Evangelical church of his time (Early 20th century) propagates the notion of cheap grace: "[They] poured forth unending streams of grace. But the call to follow Jesus in the narrow way was hardly ever heard." The church seemed to misconstrue Jesus' Great Commission. They focused on the "baptizing" part of the commission while skipping over the discipleship part.

I believe some members of the body still promulgate cheap grace, a grace void of discipleship. These members of the body replace conversion with discipleship. It almost becomes a competition, "How many can we save this week? On this mission trip? How many can we baptize? How many can we get to rededicate their lives to Christ?" If you take the Apostles as an example, they were under Jesus' watchful hand for 3 years. We do not know the exact moment the Apostles were justified in their faith. It could have been when they immediately dropped their nets to follow Jesus. It might have happened when they finally recognized and truly believed that Jesus was the Christ. But what we do know is that through their relationship with Jesus, they were being discipled so that they could go and do the same for others around the world. They experienced the essence of costly grace.

I'm thankful to be apart of an organization this summer whose goal is not to proselytize to the refugees. Instead, they build relationships through the love of Christ for the purposes of "making disciples." The discipleship process takes time. It is messy and even unsuccessful sometimes. But for all the Judas', a Peter takes root to share the beauty of Christ -- the giver and sustainer of costly grace.

First Week in Clarkston, GA

Ah...the orientation week before camp starts. Lots of little details that no one wants to read about. So, here were some of the highlights/low-lights of the week:

• Registering campers -- The only way to effectively register kids for camp is to drive to their apartment complex or house and watch them fill out the forms. We spent a good 6 hours and only registered 15 or so campers. It was a great experience interacting with the refugee families in their homes and reconnecting with last years campers.
• Un-registering campers -- This year, the camp is only for Clarkston residents when in the past it included kids from surrounding towns. This changed in order to meet the Clarkston kids. So, I had to call a few families and inform them that their kids could not come to summer camp.
  
• Academic preparation -- Slowly, but surely, the Middle School academic portion of camp has taken shape. I feel like I might be a little bit over my head with what I am trying to accomplish, but the potential fruit far outweighs the risk.
• I'm pretty sure the definition of orientation means the excelaration of ones desire to accomplish the task that lies ahead.

Time

ROSALIND

By no means, sir: Time travels in divers paces with
divers persons. I'll tell you who Time ambles
withal, who Time trots withal, who Time gallops
withal and who he stands still withal.

ORLANDO

I prithee, who doth he trot withal?

ROSALIND

Marry, he trots hard with a young maid between the
contract of her marriage and the day it is
solemnized: if the interim be but a se'nnight,
Time's pace is so hard that it seems the length of
seven year.

ORLANDO

Who ambles Time withal?

ROSALIND

With a priest that lacks Latin and a rich man that
hath not the gout, for the one sleeps easily because
he cannot study, and the other lives merrily because
he feels no pain, the one lacking the burden of lean
and wasteful learning, the other knowing no burden
of heavy tedious penury; these Time ambles withal.

ORLANDO

Who doth he gallop withal?

ROSALIND

With a thief to the gallows, for though he go as
softly as foot can fall, he thinks himself too soon there.

ORLANDO

Who stays it still withal?

ROSALIND

With lawyers in the vacation, for they sleep between
term and term and then they perceive not how Time moves.

.....

ROSALIND
Well, Time is the old justice that examines all such
offenders, and let Time try: adieu.

______________________________________

Last week, I went to DFW's best burger joint -- The Love Shack -- with a friend of mine and her family (If you have never been there, go and get the Dirty Love Burger. It will change your life.). I had never met her family before, but since she speaks loudly, proudly, and incessantly about everything, it was a pleasure to finally meet the much ballyhooed family. Her father is an Anglo-Catholic (Reformed Episcopal Church) priest and since I come from a conservative, evangelical background, I was curious to find out how this "denomination" was different and/or similar from the Catholic and Protestant traditions.

As I indulged myself in a half brisket, half prime tenderloin burger, topped with a fried quail egg and a tasty "love sauce", as they call it, I became acquainted with a faith that worships like the Catholic tradition but with important doctrinal differences (If you are interested in the details: http://tinyurl.com/26pdzlj). One of the main goals of the REC is to unify the Body of Christ.

When he mentioned this goal, I asked him what it would take to accomplish unification. His answer, in short: Time. He realized that change in the church takes time. He mentioned that the young priests and leaders become discouraged when the unification process fails to occur in the present. But as Rosalind in Shakespeare’s As You Like It, “Time is the old justice that examines all such / offenders, and let Time try.”

For Shakespeare, Time is a transcendent mechanism that tries all of mankind. Furthermore, Time is a tool used by God to accomplish His will. “Time” will bring about the unification of the Church and it is our job, as followers of Christ, to see that the Church is on the path to unity, even if we never see it actually occur.

Why, on this blog about working at a summer camp, am I talking about Time?

I needed a reminder that my desire to change the hearts and minds of students does not happen on my own time. In reality, it happens in God’s Time. My responsibility as a Christian lies in the teaching of truth so that they at least recognize the path of Christ. God, in his Providence, will change their hearts. Even though I feel like the young maid Rosalind mentions when I work with students, I realize Time will continue to run its course in spite of how I feel. In essence, trying to enforce Time's hand promulgates the American ideal of instant gratification. But instant gratification leads to a false transformation veiled in behavior modification. True transformation, tried by Time, changes hearts through Christ which in turn changes behavior.

Thank God for his sovereignty! If my will be done instead of His will, things would get ugly. The world would be one extravagant masquerade.

What Do I Value?

A recurring theme in my life right centers around this question: what do I value? In preparation for the summer, I have been reading academic journal articles on Education to see what they think are some of the necessary attributes for a teacher when they teach students from low S.E.S. families. The most frequently referenced attribute a teacher needs to have: a love for learning.

Not only was this referenced in articles, but it was also mentioned in an educational forum I attended last week for class. The forum speakers were Dr. Louise Cowan, one of the most brilliant literary minds and Dr. Diane Ravitch, one of the leading historians on American Education. Both of them claimed teachers' enthusiasm in their own learning rubbed off on to their own students which enabled them to be more successful in school.

Do I disagree with these sentiments? Of course not, I think they are right on the money. But the bombardment of this solitary theme over a one week period caused me to reflect a little bit on my own life. As a future teacher, do I value my own learning? Leading up to my experiences at UD, I would say emphatically and consciously (sad to reflect upon) NO! At the present moment, though, I would say I do value learning -- but I still slip into days and weeks where I don't.

So, of course, I got down on myself a little bit knowing that I'm not where I need to be, yet. But the one thing I do know, reading about what I need to become and listening to brilliant people talk about the virtues of teaching, helped arise in me a passion to become a great teacher. This whole project of building an academic, 6-8th grade, curriculum for the summer helped fuel the desire, as well.

As I reflected upon what I value as a future educator, I also applied the question to another important area of my life -- my faith.

I'm not going to lie, it is hard to live the Christian life as a college student. It is almost as if the majority of Christians who go to college end up devaluing Christ for a period of 4 or so years (including me). The shape and form of devaluing looks a little bit different for everyone: some by excess booze, some by sex, some by pride, some by selfish ambition, some by lack of love, and the list goes on forever....

For me, my devaluation of Christ probably takes the shape of an ugly, 3 headed monster of some sort, contrived from the latter three vices I placed in the above list. Fun ones, huh? Not really.

Okay, to continue on the theme...So, if a teacher is someone who loves and values learning, what is a Christian and what does he/she value?

Of course, I think learning can be apart of the definition of a Christian because God gave us the ability to use our brain and reason and think logically so the more we learn, the more we become who he wants us to be. But, I think that is more a correlation than anything else.

What is at the heart of it, then? It must be, and has to be, Love. No matter how many good deeds I do, no matter how many times I go to Atlanta to help meet the needs of Refugee families, if it is done without Love, it is just a clanging symbol. And we all know, clanging symbols are incredibly annoying. I devalue Christ because I don't take his love seriously so it rears its ugly head in the form of a 3 headed monster. In devaluing Christ, I fail to embody the attribute that makes me most like him: Love. Similarly, a teacher who devalues the profession, fails to learn.

I think this song sums this post up nicely in that it represents the Grace God gives to us in spite of constantly devaluing him:

Daily I could look at the gold

And the fine, fine silver

With which You have adorned

My arms and neck and fingers

So I was called beauty in the eyes
These gifts assured me You were mine
So I was called beauty in the eyes

Of my God and the angels

Yet I sold all the jewels that You gave to me
And I used all the cash on other lovers I’d see
Hoping that none would discover this feat
Of the muck and the mire I’d continue to feast

Daily I could take in the scent of the fragrance You’ve sprinkled on me

And all the clothes made of cashmere You give cause’ You call me lovely

Daily I could look at how fair I was because of You

Instead I’d forget what You’ve given and living for suitors I’d choose

Still I remain treasured in the eyes

Still I remain treasured in the eyes

Still I remain treasured in the eyes

Of my God and the angels

Yet I sold all the jewels that You gave to me
And I used all the cash on other lovers I’d see
Hoping that none would discover this feat
Of the muck and the mire I’d continue to feast

Do not spare the rod how I long for faithfulness

Tell me once again of Your grace and woo me in

Let not these lovers be more attractive than You God

Remind me of love, remind of You, Jesus all of You

Still I remain treasured in the eyes

-Called Beauty by Jenny & Tyler

Friends of Refugees

My first post mentions I will be working for Friends of Refugees this summer. Most of you are probably wondering, "What is Friends of Refugees?" For a history of the ministry, check it out here.

Each summer, the ministry holds a summer camp for the children from the local refugee community. The camp is only $1 a day for each child. The camp consists of two, four week sessions with the camp operating Monday-Friday from 7:30-1:30.

The camp provides the children with daily academic lessons, breakfast and lunch, outdoor activities, field trips, and loving adult relationships. The camp is run from a Christian perspective but the gospel can not be openly shared. This frustrates some of the youth groups who volunteer and it definitely clashes with the way I perceived "missions" growing up.

But, there is a very practical and necessary reason for this. Many of these families come from strict religious backgrounds, and if their child were to come home "saved," the families would kick the child to the curb, literally. Also, the families would not send their children to the camp if they thought their children were being proselytized. Don't let this method fool you, the camp does encourage the cultivation of Christian character and virtue in each child, but not in an overt way.

Now, this is not to skirt the responsibility of the believer to fulfill the Great Commission. Instead of focusing solely on the child's salvation, only leaving him/her to the wolves of their family, Friends of Refugees strives to build relationships with the families of the children. Because of their Christ-like love to the children AND to the families, the entire family unit transforms into a miniature representation of the Church. Of course, this transformation does not occur overnight, but instead, it happens within a struggling relationship between a lover of Truth and a family in need of Truth -- between people from completely different worlds and life experiences. God, by his Grace, uses these earthly relationships to unveil the darkness so His people actualize their potential to project His image.

Sounds a little bit like the Incarnation, huh?

"But, in fact, the good God has given them a share in His own Image, that is, in our Lord Jesus Christ, and has made even themselves after the same Image and Likeness. Why? Simply in order that through this gift of Godlikeness in themselves they may be able to perceive the Image Absolute, that is the Word Himself, and through Him to apprehend the Father; which knowledge of their Maker is for men the only really happy and blessed life....The Self- revealing of the Word is in every dimension—above, in creation; below, in the Incarnation; in the depth, in Hades; in the breadth, throughout the world. All things have been filled with the knowledge of God."

St. Athanasius -- On the Incarnation